Welcome Back to WBCC MOPS!

Welcome back! We're excited about our new team, new theme and new faces!!
The MOPS International theme for the year is, Momology: The Art and Science of Mothering and we're excited to explore this together with you!

MOPS International explains our theme this way on their website:
Mothering is both art and science. It combines all of who we are to shape healthy, resilient kids. Mothering is so complex it requires both sides of our brain – not to mention our hands and feet, eyes and ears, mouth and (sniff, sniff) unfortunately, sometimes even our noses!

There's the scientific side of mothering where we develop a hypothesis based on certain principles, test that hypothesis in real-time, consider the results and decide what parts worked and what parts didn't. We keep refining our hypotheses until we find what works for us.

Intertwined with the scientific, mothering requires an artistry that shades with our personality, colors with our unique gifts, and blends past and current experiences.

So, we welcome you to our group if you're here for the first time and if you're returning, we're SO glad you're back!!

Here's what's coming up this semester:

09/14 - Orientation: “Welcome to WBCC Senior High” (no speaker)
09/28 - Keyboarding: “Keeping Families Safe Online”
10/12 - Home Room: “Where It All Begins”
10/26 - Cheerleading: “Building People Before Pyramids” (no speaker)
11/09 - Physical Education: “My Body, His Temple”
11/23 - Special Services: “Missions/Community Service”
12/14 - Christmas Musical: “Keeping Christ in Christmas”

Meeting Recap 02/09 - Relationbship with Marriage

Relationship with Marriage

Speaker: Joe and Arabelle Hinchliff came to us from Family Foundations International (FFI) right here in Littleton. (www.familyfoundations.com) They were married in 1970 but met as high school sweethearts in Washington State where they lived until moving to Colordo to work with FFI in 1998. Joe has been a youth pastor and worked for churches and ministries over the years following his attendance at a Bible College in Edmonds, Washington. The Hinchliffs serve FFI as the Ministry Operations Managers and U.S. National Coordinators. Today, they are here to speak to us on Communication and Conflict Resolution in Marriage.

The Three C's of Marriage:

Communication, Conflict Resolution, Covenant

"When all three of these principles are functionally in place in a marriage, most couples experience a renewed sense of romantic love for one another, and a deep sense of security and fulfillment in their marriage relationship. There is also tremendous joy in knowing that they are accomplishing together a purpose designed by God that is far greater than themselves and their own personal pleasure." Expert taken from "Two Fleas & No Dog" by Craig Hill (pg 4)

COMMUNICATION:

Regular, Transparent, Heart to Heart

We began with a video clip about a husband's intent to bless his family...The family walks into Dairy Queen:

Husband says: "Order anything you want".

Wife looks over the choices and decides on a Banana Split.

Husband: "$4.50 for a Banana Split!!!" ...(let the battle begin!)

Wife: "All you ever think about is Money!"

Husband: (now thinks, What's the point of trying to do something nice - now I'm the bad guy, a rotten father and a terrible Christian)

Wife: (is thinking, He's insensitive, discourteous, inconsiderate and a jerk)

...The family leaves, nobody getting what they want and all feeling bad. Conflict (Satan) had destroyed what should have been a nice gesture.

(Eph 6:12 - "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.")

Through this exchange (communication) between the couple, what they each heard from "$4.50 for a Banana Split!?" was this:

Husband: Golly, the price of ice cream has really gone up.

Wife: You're not worth $4.50/You are worth less than the price of a Banana Split.

The topic here had turned into a relational battle, yet we are still called to love and respect each other (Ephesians 5:33 - "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.")

What does LOVE mean to you? (think, "5 Love Languages")

• Showing appreciation
• Quality time together
• Acceptance
• Trust
• Acts of Service
• Physical Touch

What does RESPECT mean to you?

• Not gossiping about his family
• Trust
• Supportive of decisions
• Words of Affirmation

Through love, husbands should want to take on the role as head of the house. Through respect, wives should allow them to do just that. Wives are called to a unique purpose and destiny but not to carry that load! Husbands are to stand in the gap of the enemy. Thus, the importance for husbands to attend church with their wives/families. If your husband does not attend church, he may be thinking, "I'm a bad husband, I'm not what you need, I'm not fulfilling my role". So what can we do? PRAY for them!! (In meeting we took time to gather around those wives/moms whose husbands are not believers or do not attend church with them. We prayed over each of them - it was a special few moments and meaningful (hopefully) to these women who we will continue to pray for!)

There's no such thing as a broken marriage, just two people who are wounded and keep triggering each other. Divorce in the US is at about 60% - this number remains higher in the church...a TERRIBLE statistic!!

Want to "divorce-proof" your marriage? The family that prays together stays together! We need to be constantly tying that third strand into our marriage. (Ecclesiastes 4:12 - "Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.")

In marriage we are purposed to soar to new heights - the image of Christ is represented:

Isaiah 40:31 - "But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on the wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

CONFLICT RESOLUTION:

Effective Strategy for Conflict Resolution

Selfishness and pride will hinder resolve - it's important to be able to say "I'm sorry" and offer forgiveness. It's also important to repent for how you made the person feel - however, you don't have to be wrong to repent. We should all learn how to bless each other, use words of blessing.

Matthew 6:14 - For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

Colossians 3:13 - Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

Ways of Handling Conflict - from "Two Fleas & No Dog" (pg 155-156)

• Fight: Attack (win/lose strategy) "We have unresolved issues for which I will fight and I'm happy only if I win" Tactics: Intimidation, manipulation, threat, yelling, blame, criticism, anger
• Flight: Withdraw (lose/lose strategy) "We have unresolved issues which are not worth fighting over and I'm happy if we just leave them unresolved" Tactics: Avoidance, closing up, withdrawal of affection, communication and support.
• Fake: Deny & Pretend (lose/win strategy) "We don't have any unresolved issues. I'm happy as it is and everything is fine" Tactics: Appeasement, denial and stuffing of feelings, appearance management, peace at all costs.
• Fold: Give up (lose/win strategy) "We have unresolved issues that are irresolvable. I'm not happy and never will be, so what's the point in trying? Tactics: Self pity, withdrawal, depression, and suicide threats.
• Forgive: Convey understanding, acceptance and forgiveness (win/win strategy) "We have unresolved topical issues for which there is a solution that meets both of our desires and goals, but can only be arrived at when we have understood and resolved our relational issues" Tactics: 1)Discern the relational messages received and sent. 2) Seek to understand why your partner sent you the relational message he did. Separate identity from behavior. (Remove the log from your eye so you can deal with the speck in your partner's eye.) 3) Forgive your partner from your heart for hurting you. 4) Apologize to your partner and ask him to forgive you for disapproving of, or invalidating his identity. 5) Now work together to find a solution acceptable to both husband and wife for the topical issue.

Forgiveness is NOT: forgetting, excusing, tolerating, over-looking, condoning, justifying that there really wasn't a problem, or allowing others to regularly violate my boundaries and take advantage of me.

Forgiveness IS: releasing another person from accountability for their wrongdoing , sin, mistake, failure, disappointment or betrayal of me. Although forgiveness is frequently a process, it begins with a choice I make.

COVENANT:

Marriage: a Unilateral, Unconditional Blood Covenant

A mutually binding agreement between two parties.

Malachi 2:14-15 - "...the Lord is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth...Has not the Lord made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth."

Genesis 2:24-25 - "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and they will become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame."

Taken from "Two Fleas & No Dog", Author Craig Hill (pg. 4)

The Challenge: Because we do not live in a covenant culture and most people have not been taught in any context the nature and value of a covenant, society in general has exchanged the value of marriage as a covenant for the value of marriage as a contract. This breeds insecurity and independence in a marriage relationship.

Solution: Put the protective hedge of covenant back in place around your marriage by understanding committing to covenant.

A covenant signifies, "All I have, and all I am is yours"

Mom Question #2

Submitted by Kate:
I am going back to teaching in the fall, so I'll need daycare for my little cherubs. Sad, but just my reality. I am looking into some of the chain places in the area (I live around Belleview/Alkire) , but would love any names of places you or your friends have liked. If you know of anyone that does in home daycare, I'd love to hear about them, too! This is a really tough decision, so I appreciate any help or advice you have for me! Thanks!

Meeting Recap 1/26 - Relationship with Home Organization

Relationship with Home Organization

Speaker: Lisa Papke

When she originally began presenting about organization (many years ago), it was more of an obsession than the passion it is now. There are ideas in this material/presentation that have come from friends, family, authors, TV programs, and from God's hand in her own life. She is thankful for this knowledge and how it has shown her how to establish a house of order and allow the spirit of Christ to guide her heart! Let this be our goal....

Organize: To Pull or put together into an orderly, functional structured whole. To arrange or systematize. To arrange in a desired pattern. Provide an organic structure. To arrange systematically for harmonious or united action

"Organized"

How does this make you feel?

Calm?

Overwhelmed?

It's important to recognize that you bring your history to your family. You need to know yourself, know your spouse and begin to notice how your kids are. It's also important to know there is a season for everything. Organization is a skill everyone can learn!

Change your language, stop saying: "That's how I've always been, its how I am now", change to: "That's how I used to be, this is what I'll do now"

"Clutter"

If you USE it, LOVE it, NEED it = KEEP IT

...otherwise, SIMPLIFY!!

Do you make your bed? Do your kids make their bed?

It's important to give small, age-appropriate tasks.

NOT: "Go clean your room" - daunting task, overwhelming, won't know where to start.

YES: "Please go put your clothes in your drawers" - specific, directive, gives them an opportunity to do for themselves and invites them into the process.

Handout Information: (re-typed for posting purposes)

ORGANIZATION IS A GIFT TO YOUR CHILD

Proverbs 13:7

(A pretentious showy life is an empty life, A plain ans simple life is a full life)

Proverbs 24:3

"By wisdom a house is built, And by understanding it is established;

And by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches"

Colossians 2:5

"For though I am absent from you in body, I am present with you in spirit and delight to see how orderly you are and how firm your faith in Christ is."

Galatians 6:9

"Let us not become weary in doing good. For at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."

***

HOUSE RULES

If you sleep on it...make it

If you wear it...hang it up

If you drop it...pick it up

If you eat on it...put it in the sink

If you step in it...wipe it up

If you open it...close it

If it rings...answer it

If it howls...feed it

If it cries...love it!

***

Organization is a gift you give your child!!

Organization is a Mindset - Reasons to give this gift to your children:

• It makes them feel special
• It teaches them to be responsible
• It teaches them appreciation for all God has Given them
• It prevents frustration and confusion
• It helps them be productive
• It makes them feel they are a vital part of the family structure
• It promotes good hygiene
• It teaches confidence
• It encourages more playtime variety
• It can be lifesaving in emergencies
• It provides a foundation for the rest of their lives.

Kids need structure (organization) of their time, belongings and space. Look at a school classroom as an example - Everything has its own place. Generally, teacher organize by centers or certain topics.

When you can't "do it all" - PRIORITIZE!!

***

In Mary Beth Lagerborg's book, Dwelling she breaks it down from a style issue (neat/messy) to routines - Routines are very important, she identifies 3 "biggies":

1. Food (purchasing, preparing & cleaning up)
2. Information (bills, papers to sign or file, phone calls, email)
3. Clothing (purchasing, cleaning, maintaining)

After Routines, Mary Beth states "Chunking" is a successful strategy - break down the tasks

FOOD - Simple Tips

• Plan you meals for 2 weeks to one month at a time. Plan with leftovers in mind
• Shop for two weeks worth!
• Crock pots were made for busy families - use them!
• Know by 9:00am what you will be having for dinner
• Serve only what you have made for the meal, don't be a short order cook
• Pack lunches the night before or at a minimum talk about choices they have for lunch
• Include your children/husband in the grocery shopping ideas. Avoid multiple trips or going when hungry
• Be creative!
• Get input from everyone
• Give children the choice on not eating one vegetable (after trying all)
• Try one new recipe a week or a month
• Share ideas with friends

INFORMATION - bills, papers to sign or file, phone calls, email

Calendars:

• Keep a day timer in your handbag
• Keep critical #'s with you at all times
• Keep a family calendar in a prominent place (fridge?). Color code activities by person.
• Whenever you get a piece of paper with a date, put it on the calendar immediately - then file the paper
• Use a 3-ring binder or vertical file folder to organize family information "Kid Info Book"
• Another binder could include copies of all important documents marriage certificates, birth certificates, copies of wills, etc...
• Create a system for handling mail
• Create a place of car keys, phones, etc

Scrapbooks/Treasures:

• Let perfection go! Decide what is most important to you.
• Put projects in the area you are most - work on at night after kids are in bed
• Make a place to put those "special pictures and projects", then take a picture on the wall/board and keep the pictures. Boxes for kids stuff.

CLOTHING/KIDS ROOMS

Laundry:

• Choose a day or several days that you do laundry
• Teach your children how to help with laundry (They can fold towels, match socks, etc)
• Teach children how to organize drawers and closets

Their rooms and their stuff:

• Maximize the space you have in the room. Re-do closets and use space under the bed.
• Create a work space in their room
• Provide a place for kids to put their work after it has been reviewed.
• Create a special place for art work, be selective
• Go through drawers or boxes every couple of months
• Make the bed every morning
• Before bed, make sure everything is ready for the next day
• Help you child to organize their room periodically
• Modeling how to organize and put things away

Rooms and Responsibilities:

• Clothes: Don't battle when you are not prepared to lose
• It really doesn't matter if their socks don't match, they need to make choices
• Pick out clothes the night before - "Your choice is 'X' or 'Y' " (toddlers)
• Older children have a larger selection to choose from
• Schedules and Routines are vital-It is much easier to loosen the reins then try tightening them later.
• BEDTIME: Find a routine you can live with (bath, books, prayers, bed)
• Set regular times and stick with it everyday. Don't change on weekends
• Stagger bedtimes - this is helpful for single parents or spouses who travel
• Pray before meals
• Homework and playtime "times"

Handout:

**Also handed out: The Ultimate Grocery List - get your copy by visiting www.grocerylists.org

Questions to consider today:

1. My best tip for organizing is...
2. What do I do really well with respect to organizing?
3. What am I ready to let go of?
4. Is there one area of my home which I struggle to keep organized? Kitchen, Family Room, Office, Playroom, Bedroom, Garage, etc...
5. If so, what is one small task or "chunk" you would like to tackle today?

Mom Question #1

Submitted by Christa:
My two year old is constantly saying "I can't". I know most 2 yr olds want to do everything all by themselves, but mine says "I can't, Mommy do it!" for everything. And if I don't do it, he throws a fit. Things like doing puzzles, or opening something, or taking off his coat. These are all things he used to just fine. Does anyone know how to approach this or why he's doing it?

Welcome Back! Meeting Recap 1/12

Welcome back to the Spring Semester of MOPS at West Bowles Community Church! I hope each of you had a wonderful Christmas break and are now back in the swing of things with a New Year upon us and school back in session. I sincerely thank you for returning to this MOPS group...I’m really excited about what we have planned.

We have NINE meetings this semester and great things in store for you! We have wonderful topics, interesting speakers, fun activities, useful crafts and as always, great fellowship!
Stay tuned each meeting for details of upcoming events, fundraisers, social gatherings and more!!


Meeting Recap - January 26, 2010

Speaker: Susie Sidwell
Susie has been a MOPS mom for the past six years. She started with MOPS when pregnant with her first child and served on the steering team for MOPS at Colorado Community Church in Aurora for four years. She loves MOPS and believes it has the power to change a mom's life! She speaks to MOPS groups on various topics, including Operation Christmas Child, the organization she worked for before becoming a mom; leadership; and how to make Jesus a bigger part of our lives.

Relationship with our Future/Leadership
What defines a leader? - a person who leads, guides, has power; a person who directs; a person who has commanding authority or influence of others; someone who has another following them. (ever played "follow the leader"?)

Are you a leader? You may say "no" but if you're a mom (parent) the answer is "yes".
As moms, don't we always have someone following us? ...to the bathroom, while we're on the phone, cooking dinner in the kitchen...you get the point. YOU ARE A LEADER!!

As a mom, being a leader isn't about how you see yourself, it's about the role you play in the lives of others. The role God chose for you!

We can choose to lead our children - the choice is, lead or not lead. But by choosing to not lead them we are choosing to lead them astray. It's about intentional parenting! Let's explore this further - what are the GOOD and BAD qualities of a leader (mom)?
Here's what our group came up with:

GOOD
took time/believe in them, listener, encouraging, flexible, compassionate, fun, forgiving, patient, challenges you, laugh at self, acknowledge when wrong, humble....ALL of these lessons speak loudly to our kids!!

BAD
negative reinforcement, micromanagement, favoritism, controlling, yells, unorganized, poor listener, poor communicator, procrastinator, places blame

So what do we do with this? Proverbs 29:18 says "Where there is no vision, the people perish." If we don't have vision, the people who will perish are the most valuable in our lives.

VISION. Where do we want to see ourselves and our children to ultimately end up? Hellen Keller was asked “What would be worse than being born blind?” She replied, “to have sight without vision.” With a vision life has direction. What you can see is what you can be. If you have "sight", you'll be a better, more effective leader. (class demonstration - blindfolded)

John Maxwell wrote of leaders: "All great leaders possess 2 things: They know where they are going, and are able to persuade others to follow."

We need to be visionary leaders - have goals that are in line with God and God's Word. God will not bless goals that are not in line with His Word.

Handout:

It's best to set goals with your spouse (if married) but respect each others parenting priorities - be flexible.

How can we be the best example? Nobody likes a hypocrite - hypocrites teach us what not to do, and most don't usually have much respect for them. How can we expect our children to learn from us if we don't set a good example? This comes on all levels - we wouldn't want our children to lie, murder, cuss, have premarital sex, etc. and we wouldn't do these things either. But what message does it send them when, for instance, we watch many of these scenarios play out on TV? Message: It's not okay for you, but its okay for me. Kids see in black and white - even subtle things, kids see! They look more at our actions than our words. This carries over to how we treat others. What kind of stereotypes/prejudice do we pass on just talking about or describing others to our children? What all this comes down to is "Active Parenting". As moms, we have anywhere from 18-26 years of active parenting to influence our children. Make the most of it!!

So what's the GREAT news in all of this? You have a team of leaders to help you - MOPS! We're all a work in progress. Every single mom is doing something right. We're all doing the best we can. What we can do is utilize this group - find other moms that do well, something we don't. Each one of these moms can add value to our lives! Don't write another mom off because she parents different than you...learn from her. Proverbs 27:17 "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another"

You were hired by God. Being a mom is the most important job you'll ever have. You're a leader (a mom), not by accident but because He believes in you! Don't think you have all the answers? That's okay, no body's perfect. The best place to look is in the Bible. I like to think of it as my "Mom's Handbook" - full of all of life's lessons we should follow ourselves and lead our children to follow too. We can also always turn to friends for spiritual guidance when the going gets tough.

So, step up to the challenge...You're a Leader!!

Operation Christmas Child 2009